When friendship is not enough...

Just putting it out there before you read further... I am not a counselor. Everything you read from this point onward has stemmed from my personal experience, learning from others around me and teachings from my Bible.

I'm sure like me, you hear different slogans/sayings daily, even sometimes use them. One of such is the saying - "Marry your friend". Marriage counselors repeatedly sound it in the ears of singles everywhere you turn.

As a young girl, I had seen first hand, the benefits of this popular phrase but, curious me just wouldn't leave it at that. I knew there had to be more to marriage than simply marrying one's friend. Why? Because, I know for a fact that friendships do fall apart. Not every friendship lasts forever. Some are for a season and they will fizzle out no matter how much you try to salvage its remains. They just die! One's responsibility is to recognize the friendships that have the potential to last a lifetime and nurture them. Its life. It is what it is. Anyways, I digressed.

The thing is, we are all unique individuals with equally unique perspectives to life. I know for a fact that I may not totally agree with all my close friends ideologies and belief systems. From communication styles to financial management or even parenting styles (for my married friends with kids). However, in all of these, I have learnt that it is important to be comfortable around them even if I don't necessarily agree with their style - as long as its not offensive or considered a sin.

But you see, in the marriage covenant, it is slightly different and I'll tell you why. Both of you are literally in each other's faces for at least 7-8 hours everyday (if you are lucky to get that much sleep) or even more depending on your schedules. These two individuals' ideologies may, at the start, may appear to be the same but as you grow and get comfortable around each other more, both parties will, permit me to use the term - 'evolve'.
Think of it this way. Its not everything you believed as truth 10 years ago that you still believe now. 

THIS IS WHERE YOU NEED GOD.

I felt that THAT needed to be typed using Caps Lock.
I'll use a quote my husband said to me about two weeks ago and boy, was that a moment? I literally typed it in my notes straightaway!

"Its only God that can provide you with someone who will walk the journey of life with you and together, you can form your own perspective/belief system together". 

Wise words!!

Ever wondered why, while growing up, your friends acted a little bit different from how you behaved in your own home? That was, and is the belief system of the people who raised them replicating itself in those kids.

Like, our minds are too feeble to understand what God is trying to do through us. They really are. The future is too big for you to comprehend with a human mind. Like they say, you can't use physical eyes to judge spiritual matters. I strongly believe that the marriage covenant is  spiritual. 

You need Someone who knows how much evolving will happen in your spouse's life in the years to come. That Being will equip you both with the characters to make not just a good team, but a great one. I cannot overemphasize the need for specific and directed prayers while still waiting. I have also learnt that our minds are unable to reflect on all the areas where we need refining and molding both now and in the future. What God does through us seeking Him and by His divine mercy is that He specifically equips your spouse with what may be a struggle for you and even more. This includes areas you never considered as important or you did not think was ever going to be 'a big deal'. Well, that is until it becomes a big deal.

Point is, friendship, understanding and communication are vital in making a good team in marriage. Its been said time and time again. However, to make an excellent team, one that can and will withstand the challenges that come with those 'evolving' ideologies, we most definitely need God to walk through those couple-specific uncharted waters. As a matter of fact, God wants you to wade in those waters with divine joy and NOT regret.

1. Why you may ask? Because change is usually hard on a typical human being however it is inevitable. We are all increasing in understanding daily, and its easier to make room for those changes when God is in the boat. So today, make up your mind to invite Him into your boat.

Shalom saints!

Picture credit: Google images